You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
