You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ladies don't puke and tell
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
