Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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