Already got asked if we're dating
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
