yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
