nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
