Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize