Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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