Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
