Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I smell stomach acid.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I forget how to act sober
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
