I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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