It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
