3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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