did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
