The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize