Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
