I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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