Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
