cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
