You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
