my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
