Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize