and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
