are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
