I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
