I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
