Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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