I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
