Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
