the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
