So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
