At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize