She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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