Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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