my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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