Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
