so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
