there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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