i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize