and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
