I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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