You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
