If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize