So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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