Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
