I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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