I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
