Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize