why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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