yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize