His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
