my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
