Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
