what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
