Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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