wanna go halves on a baby?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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