I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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