You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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