a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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