My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
