is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
