My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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