She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
