I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize