Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
