you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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