why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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