Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
