that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
