my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
