Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
