Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
should my penis look like a turkey
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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