i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
