Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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