You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
