Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
